Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
