Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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