where am i from again
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
