I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
