If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
