doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I need a burrito and a hug.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Randomize
