had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
