Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
