Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
FUCK WHALES
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
