I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
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