Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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