remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
