What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Dicks are not precious.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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