nut hugger
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
