how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
