i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
