Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
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I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Randomize
