I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
