I am spending my child support on dildos
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Randomize
