Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
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