Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
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