Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Randomize
