Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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