Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
