Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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