Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
