I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
if i died would you start the facebook group?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize