I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Randomize
