so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
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