There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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