when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
