Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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