I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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