currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Randomize