His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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