hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
