I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I could fuck to npr.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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