I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
