So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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