They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
