my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
