I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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