If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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