I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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