do herpes really smell.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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