it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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