I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
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