Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Randomize
