I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
