Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
