Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
