I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
You need Xanax blowdarts
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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