Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
You ate ashes out of my bong
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
