I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
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