We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
