The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Randomize
