You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
