Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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