I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
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do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
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You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
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