I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Randomize
