How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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