Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
