I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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