Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
