so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
