I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
