Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
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