my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Randomize
