Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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