remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
