Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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