i don't like sucking hair
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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