My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
