I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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