I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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